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My Heart's Desire

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10 years 7 months ago #70867 by doctorjoy
ok, right now I feel as if I am in a holding pattern. Just not moving in a forward direction with this Desire of mine. I feel like there is no end in site and that there is something going to happen that I just can't figure out, so I am just marking time until the Lord says forward march. It feels like I am only to do so much and move on. But I am just up in the air with my faith on this School thing, things are just out of wack. I feel like there is silence on what is to happen and I am trying my best to keep in together but it is a struggle. Well spring break will be here next week and maybe some questions will be answered.
I am glad that people are reading my thoughts and being inspired from them. I was hoping that my blog would help someone, besides myself. Writing is so therapeutic. Well I won't make this too long. Onto to trying....
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Oh limb, Oh limb, where art thou :wave:

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10 years 7 months ago #70868 by doctorjoy
Well Spring break is over and I still feel like I am in limbo. I am just praying that things will be done for me according to God's will. I think I need to take a real vacation from my spring break.. I am so tired. Right now, I am just not sure of what the future has to hold for me. Dreams and goals have been placed before me and I am so close to grabbing it, but it is like someone is playing a game of cat and mouse with me. I am just praying and waiting... I am trying to think if I had things to do over, what would I do? Would I choose a different school and still have the same outcome? How different would thing be if I never come to medical school? I am just babbling to stay awake in this class, because I could just sleep the day away, with the way I feel at the moment. I will digress from this now and leave a few poems from Langston Hughes..hopefully good news will come my way sooner than later.

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

ream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

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10 years 6 months ago #70869 by doctorjoy
I am having a very interesting time right now.. I feel like I am hanging onto a thread of hope. I am so close but yet so far. Not ready to share the experience just yet, so keep reading in the next few weeks, but just know, only God is going to bring me through this. He pout me here so I know that he has a plan. I am just a vessel right now for him to work through. I have nothing left at the moment, just watching and waiting.

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10 years 6 months ago #70870 by doctorjoy
Tired and trying to hold on, but I feel so close that I can taste it, but there is still something hanging over my head that I am waiting to here good or bad for. So fat I have passed the finals that I have taken. I have two more to go and trying my best to focus but I am so blah..like to hell with it. Let me do it and move on. I have not really focused on any board study lately. Just trying to make sure I finish strong and I finish. that is the goal. As soon as the school year is done and I have the answer to something important, I will make a schedule and do the board thing. Need to find the money first though... I am so just ready to run and keep running, it feels like every muscle in my body feels hyper and so close to finishing, I am not as nostalgic as I was last year. I am just holding my breath waiting to exhale. Trying to get some focus in me to get back on the study wagon , which is want I need to do.
But just as an aside, not sure if anyone watches the biggest loser, but this season is the best and most motivating. The brown team, oh my goodness, the father yes he has played the game, but he has accomplished so much. Last night when he finished the 26 mile marathon by walking, even with the bad knee, the increase in blood pressure, he finished. All the the enduring challenges he had to stop because of health problems, but last night, I was boohooing because he completed the task. To me this speaks volumes for my little bit of 20 pounds that I want to do.
Yes they are in the ideal situation, but it is possible I just have to take the time. I am not sure if I mentioned my 30 in 90 but it has only been 15 in 90 which is horrible, but I have lost inches more than anything which I will take. Anyway I guess this is enough for now. My mind is beginning to transition to focus world. I am thinking that once I get passed all this I may start a new blog about my next two years,not sure what to call it though :scratchchin:

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10 years 5 months ago #70871 by doctorjoy
Just a quick update, still praying and waiting on God's unchanging hand. To know that things are real. My heart's desire is God's will so only he can pull me through. the best is yet to come. 3rd year

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10 years 5 months ago #70872 by doctorjoy
Well where do I begin where do I end. I am currently on my first rotation, Psychiatry. I have only been on it a few days, but I like it so far. I have seen just about everything in the book that comes into clinics, schizophrenia, depression, etc... The doctor I am working with is very laid back but teaches me a lot, which is good. Next week I get my own patients, and will be on my own. Psych is a bit different then the regular. There is no physical exam (the nurses do it). I do a brief history which mainly consists of the a very mini mini mental exam. I spent a lot of time reading about the conditions and drugs. the only thing is just trying to remember the trade names when I have learned the generic names. But hopefully I will have it all down soon. The doctor really only prescribes certain meds so there is not a lot to learn. there has not been and real pimping yet. But I make sure to read on a subject when he says too and to look all the drugs he prescribes with there adverse effects after the days ends. the only thing that I have noticed is that at the days end I want to crash I have to force myself to stay up and do things. Since I have started I zonk out at 8 or 9 pm and sleep till the next day. It is different for me. I have fallen asleep at the computer. But all in all i am happy doing this. There are somethings that I need to take care of, but I have left that in the ends of the Man. I actually have a day off tomorrow, so I plan to do some important searching for things and hopefully I can resolve them. I feel like I am rambling. Today as I was driving I felt at peace, happy. Have not felt that in awhile. I decided that there is no reason for me to stress or worry about my problems because that does not fix them. The interesting part that I have seen on the rotation is when I see the minority patients they are so elated or seem like it is strange to see me a minority helping take care of them and the staff have that same look too. I guess depending on where you are a lot of people do not get to see a minority doctor. Well I won't make this any longer than it already is. I am going to try and do some reading before falling asleep. Just keep the faith. Keep praying
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Hmm I think that limb is trying to grow again

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