I went on Facebook to tell two of my best friends that I finally cleaned my garage. I was bubbling over with happiness. I wanted to shout, "I can finally get pregnant!" Then I read one of my friend's message that she wants a divorce. She is not the type to cry wolf. Of my very few friends, one is divorced and another is facing one. Both with toddlers. I didn't think that the 50% statistics would not hold true for my circle.
I had a very depressing talk at work about the changes coming to medicine and anesthesia. I love my group's model. All physician group. Physicians in partnership. Socialist system where we get paid by the hour. When I signed up for anesthesia, I thought I would be able to practice without CRNA supervision. People in my group are starting to say that my not be practical. Our salary may drop significantly. And I think, what the hell am I doing, working part time. I should work as much as I can and scrape together every penny. I am stressed. I feel lost. I must put things in perspective. Money isn't everything. My family and I will be fine even if I end up with less income. Didn't I prove that when I started to work part time? At first it was stressful. But now, I hardly feel any constraint. Must be grateful. Must let go of my expectations that create anxiety and unhappiness. Must. For my kids, for my husband, for myself.
My mommy group is starting to lose its shine. I guess honeymoon phase is over. I got into a pretty tense conversation about epidurals and labor. She (a PhD in psychology) sent me an article written by some crazy family medicine doctor who references journal articles and sounds somewhat credible. This mom says she is also a doctor and requires evidence to convince her. Alrighty. I read this article, and I have to laugh. She claims things like how the medication in epidurals are systemic evidenced by the hypotension. Um, no, that would be the vasodilation caused by the block. She cites a study that concludes there is no evidence that epidurals adversely affect breastfeeding (which is opposite of what she claims) to support some statically insignificant finding.
I am pretty crunchy. I am not opposed to women having births without epidurals. God bless 'em especially in the middle of the night. And if some crazy person wants to have v-bac at home with a lay midwife, alrighty, I still believe in patient autonomy. No one can drag your uterine rupturing ass to the hospital for a safer birth. What drives me crazy is all the misinformation fed to these crunchy women. And these poor women do not choose epidurals as a result.
And there are some very racially ignorant moms in this group.
I just want some intelligent, liberal, racially sensitive, crunchy (but not crazy crunchy), culturally diverse, professional, outdoorsy, fun, fit moms with kids in the same age range as my kids. That is not asking too much, surely, am I?
Yup, I am here at urgent care for gastroenteritis. Likely viral and should've stayed home. If I can look at FB while waiting for the doctor, I am probably not sick enough to be here? Did I mention I have a 'fear of needlessly going to the doctor when you should know better' syndrome?