Anyone else have issues sleeping on call? It is not even that I always can't fall asleep. I really really hate sleeping in a call room. So I stay up delaying sleeping as long as I can. Then I am a zombie the next day. Why do I do this to myself? I am taking myself to bed. Right now.
I took my kids to some science thing about ponies. I was startled when I saw princesses with unicorns on their foreheads. Just in case you didn't know like me, My Little Ponies does not mean small ponies that belong to someone. I was envisioning anatomy of ponies, physics of rope throwing, maybe some ecology thrown in there. What I got was a whole lot of wings, unicorn horns, and glitter. Kids had fun with crafts and treats though.
It was my second to last day before maternity leave. Just two more day left. Then between cases, I discovered that I had bloody show. Last time I had bloody show in the morning, my second son was born by 2 PM. I promptly let the guy running the board take over and left. Of course I took tomorrow off, too. Then I sat around and waited. And waited. And waited. Sure, some Braxton Hicks, and yes some of them painful, but nada. As the day drew near 5 PM, I started to get a little anxious. What are my partners going to say about me when they find out I didn't deliver? Or even go into labor? Then I thought, OK. I just need to have this baby tonight. Then how would they know I didn't labor all day at home? And still nada at 2 am. Then the horror struck in my head. What if I don't deliver until next week? Or even later? Then what will they say about me? This is ridiculous, right? How am I supposed to know that this would be different from my last one? It would be wrong for me to be preoccupied about going into labor, good lord have my water break, or actually go into labor in the OR, right? This is much much better? I still feel like an asshole for leaving work and taking tomorrow off. Mind you, we are having such a light day today and tomorrow that not everyone is even working. So why do I care? I don't know. I said I would work. And I feel like I should've worked unless I and a good reason. Sad for me, that good reason doesn't seem to be happening soon enough.
My mom is so wonderful, and I can't even imagine doing this newborn thing without her.
Dear mother, pointing out my postpartum belly is really not nice. Yes I know it is huge. It is much much bigger than my last two postpartum bellies. No I don't think it is all swelling. Yes, I probably need to lose more weight than before. Yes, they massaged my uterus at the hospital. I know you are cooking for me and cleaning the house and taking care of the kids and walking the dog and everything else. But it is still not nice.
I have made a decision to take as many days off as possible once I start working. We have a system where we keep track of extra people available. I am going to take every +1 days off without giving thought to money. I really really can't stand working with a baby less than a year old at home. Once the kids is older, it gets better. So I have decided with my husband's whole hearted blessing to maybe eat into our saving this coming year to work as little as possible. Of course my group is majorly expanding, and I am not even sure if we are going to have extra people. Sigh.