My Korean fluency is entirely dependent on how much Korean TV I watch since I have no Korean speakers in my life other than my parents. While I was on the phone with my dad, stuttering away in my Korean unable to come up with simple words, he requested that I watch some Korean TV. The problem is, Korean TV is kind of like crack to me. I get super addicted, can't resisting watching hours of it, and let go of my daily needs like sleep. I have been clean for a while from all TV and feeling good about it. But alas, my dad is right. My Korean is getting very very bad. So here I go again. I got some from the library, and my promise to myself is that I will only watch them when I exercise at night for 30 min. If I get out of control I will have to go cold turkey again. Hopefully the demands of motherhood will not allow me to be an addict this time around?
On another note, I have finally met smart, fun, down to earth moms! I joined the local attachment parenting group after my ex-pediatrician told me to be concerned about my baby's weight and stop co-sleeping. I felt I needed some support. And I found other crazy, super permissive (jk), crunchy moms!!! Yay. I may be going to 2 mom only function this coming weekend if I can get it negotiated with hubby. Fun.
I have done it. I found a mom's group I love. They are the attachment parenting group, and really, I love them. Being that I am an anesthesiologist aka the devil, I was a little nervous about joining an AP group, but they are simply amazing. I have already learned about a bulk organic/natural delivery, more uses for coconut oil than I imagined possible, found narrow carseats that may save me from buying a car in case we have a third, and found out that I should be able to try for sex selection for my next pregnancy without stopping to breastfeed. I have been invited to attend an anti-circumcision protest (no, I am not going) and a camping trip by the beach for this summer. And unlike my last moms group, no one seem to mind that I work or that I am a doctor. Pretty high powered intelligent bunch. I mean, don't get me wrong. Most are SAH's but used to have very interesting works outside the home. Our book club leader is a writer. Yeah, that was by far the most intelligent book club that I have ever attended.
Only weird thing? Well, seems that I am still a bit more well off than most. Where I live is considered pretty affluent area, and another mom was saying she lives near me, and that not all people who live there are rich. Then moms started to say how some people just have an expensive house, and they are house poor, etc., and I felt super weird. Because, well, yeah I kind of fit into that category, you know? Sure, if I had known I was going to be working part time or that I may want a third child, or *gasp* both, we would have bought a significantly less expensive house. But I was totally clueless, and we decided to not sell our house, and here I am. Fitting perfectly into their stereotype. May be I wait a little before inviting peeps to my not so humble abode for a play date?
I am 11 months postpartum, and I am skinnier than post baby #1 and heavier than prebaby. Belly looks pretty normal except for tiny bit of loose skin. I don't know if I will ever be as skinny as prebaby since I am not exercising 5 hours a night and 12 hours a day on weekends like before. But I am perfectly happy with the way I look. I decided to not fret over a few pounds as long as I am at a normal weight. But since I am not hauling my body weight over steep or overhanging rocks on a regular basis, a few pounds are, no big deal.
What I can't figure out is why I am losing weight more easily this time around when I am actually not dieting. I may be making more milk though my son is eating solids now like a champ. I exercise less--only about 30 min is all I can manage a day. I have two kids to chase, I guess? We are trying to work with a budget and hardly eat out. That may be it. Either way, very happy not only with my weight and how my body looks, but also with my relaxed state of mind. So freeing after years of weight obsession!
Every mother crosses points in her life where she mourns the loss of her pre-mother self. I crossed these points when I decided to work part time and when I realized I was no longer going to be a serious climber. I crossed yet another point today.
Today, I shoved all of my panties into a drawer. No longer are the days where all my panties were folded and color coordinated and organized by material. Today, I mourn the loss of that slightly compulsive, organization freak self.
Good bye. May be some day, in a few decades, I will see you in me again.