I am in a huge funk although I am a PGY3. Almost every day lately I have questioned WHY did I do this to myself and my family. My kids are now soon to be 21 and 18 and I still feel that they have gotten the short end of the stick along with my husband (whom is 200% supportive and really encouraging me). The toll that this whole endeavor has taken is HUGE. I feel completely and absolutely spent and truly have thoughts of quitting and to the hell with everything daily. I do enjoy what I do but it comes at such a HIGH price! the countless hours of work, always being on your toes because someone is always watching you for evaluations, patients that are not the nicest many times and with a huge sense of entitlement, all of our decisions carry on so much weight, and on and on. I will finish and hopefully once working things will be better but if not, I have no qualms about walking away from something that took so long because MY sanity is worth much more.
I would advise you to just take it one day at a time but if you continue to feel like this specialty is not your cup of tea then bail out before you have invested more time....just my 2cents
I loved Anesthesia mom's response, I pretty much agree with all of it-especially the last part-reconnect with the part of you that wanted medicine in the first place, and see if she still wants it.
I went through some pretty dark times when I was working full time, had a toddler and another on the way. I literally had anxiety and panic attack, insomnia on Sunday nights, the works. It forced me to reevaluate and figure out what was most important to me. I was worried that the kids weren't seeing me enough, were going to lack something b/c they were in daycare...After many years of reflection, I know that this is a part of who I am, and I am a better mommy if I am also out in the workforce feeling productive. I have plenty of friends who are extremely productive as SAHM's but not me. When I am home I tend to waste time! If I am busy i get more done, interestingly.
In terms of my kids, the first two went to an amazing daycare from three months on, and I think they are friendly, outgoing,well adjusted, and independent. All great qualities in kids. They also have the opportunity to see me managing everything, and my oldest especially is a tremendous help at home. I personally think the responsibility is good for her. She is seven and in second grade. I was skiing with her last winter and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up, and she said "A veternarian" I asked her "Don't you want to be a mommy?" "Yes, she said, but you're a mommy AND and doctor! I can do something else too!"
The third one went to someone's home for the first 18 months, then we wanted her to get more socialization so we started her in a daycare 2 days per week. She definitely had the hardest adjustment and is more of a momma's girl than the other two, probably b/c I have worked part time her entire life and have had more time with her. She is also outgoing, talks a ton, potty trained at age 2. I think the type of childcare doesn't matter, as long as it is quality childcare. The time you spend with them needs to be quality, and as much as possible, but you above all need to be happy with yourself and what you are doing. If you are truly miserable in your field, then change things.
I would echo trying to find a mentor though-they can be invaluable, at any career stage!!
Anesthesia Mom, thank you for what you have said. You describe it well. The pressure we are under as physicians is so much more than what lay people experience. Add to that the stress of trying to balance the needs of a family and it is no wonder so many of us are questioning our chosen path. I often feel that practicing medicine is the best and also the worst of all.
I came across this post on a referral from another post. I am a lawyer, actually, and am considering going into medicine, where I started, and like so many ill-advised and immature college students went to law school (oh, because they are so much alike). But that's not the point I'm trying to get at. I also, because of my work requirements, and debt requirements (argh!) spend very little time with my kids and I often wonder if I'm doing the "right" thing. What I've learned though, as I watch them grow, is that while I may be sad missing out on some important mom-and-kid time, my kids are doing great. They have close relationships with people other than me - have learned to trust, love, and be comforted by others. They are smart, social, and well-adapted,, all with the help of OTHER people. There is that old saying "It takes a village to raise a child." Well, I think that's true. I think Americans have gotten used to the idea that we need to be excellent at everything and rugged individualists. Perhaps that's not true. You are probably an excellent doctor and maybe, spending your time doing what you are doing, and sharing parenting duties with a group of people, will teach your children that they can follow their dreams and still be good moms and dads. Hang in there!