hi there! thanks for the welcome! so i just wanted to clarify, i WAS working full time but after i had my son, i went back at 20h/wk... so usually it comes out to an 8h evening shift and then a 12h overnight shift... both of which tend to run over frequently

i actually did look into a daycare, but trialed one day (i know, give it more time), while i actually interviewed for a 2d/wk OP peds job, but with all due respect to the people who love their daycares and the kids who do great there, i just don't think my son is at that point yet. he's a pretty strong willed child and has been since before he's been born. as i mentioned, he is still nursing, quite avidly and does well in new situations when he can stand by myself or my husband and take everything in and decide for himself how many more steps he wants to take. i know some people may think that is "babying" him too much, but as i normally reply, he's a baby and they're all different. i wouldn't be so reluctant to find a parttime day job near my home if i knew that he was a little more of a go-with-the-flow kid, but being his mom, i feel like i owe it to him to make sure he's the priority and if he isn't ready for other caretakers (we've tried a couple sitters too with our only luck being in the girl who had to move out of state for grad school), then i will be happy to keep on doing what i'm doing. my main issue of concern with our situation is the finances. as i imagine most people conversing on here can place themselves in similar boats. student loans, especially for medical school and the interest accrued during residency when i had not many pennies to spare to pay them back at that point, really suck the life out of you. this is why i started to look into other possible means of income. i am actually very interested in newborn care, which is why breastfeeding education struck such a cord with me, and i had the grand idea that maybe i could work for myself and just go to people as they need me and it would give us a little more flexibility in terms of childcare as well. the telemedicine job that i looked at, seems like it would help, but was also worried about the credibility to that job, simply because i've never heard of physicians, besides radiology, doing work that way before. but who knows? there's lots of stuff i don't know about. i do very much appreciate your response and suggestions. the camaraderie with this group of many other moms who are doctors and struggle with the same dilemmas, can be very comforting. i do love my job at times; there are many patients and families who are wonderful to work with and it makes me feel so helpful if i can do something to educate them and lighten their burden, whatever the complaint. but i can't help but feeling so worn down more often than not. the bureaucracy of healthcare and many disrespectful ("just give me antibiotics for my viral infection") parents/patients, couple with the fear of being sued or even if i say something that they don't want to hear (press ganey), just makes me want to throw up. i was one of the naive ones who ignored any older physicians trying to tell me there is more to medicine than JUST HELPING PEOPLE. i really only wanted to learn all the fun science and apply it to JUST HELPING PEOPLE. 15 years later, i wish i had at least been more open minded and maybe i wouldn't feel this disappointed by our field. wow, sorry to be a downer. ha! guess i just needed to vent. thank you again for listening and your advice! this is a great place to visit!