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1 year 1 week ago #96747 by firsttimemom
Hello everyone I need help..I graduated residency in 2015 and I had a very bad first hospitalisy job experience and quit 2 months after joining ..I was traumatised, delivered baby and after 6 months I took up a locum assignment hoping to transition to full time..I worked there for 7 months and honestly speaking I made many mistakes during my second job too like not being flexible with schedule,tried to take it easy and because of some personal problems and baby I was exhausted..so they fired me from the locum job..that was like a shock to me..I never expected this to happen..i messed up my career..i was embarrassed..I was depressed..after some 2 months e off I am about take up a new locum hospitalist job.at a very big hospital.close to the place I wanted ti live..this is somewhat close to my ideal job.I learned a good lesson from my past mistakes..but I am so scared to start my new job..I lost all confidence and forgot most of the stuff I learned in residency..my past experiences haunt me..I am thinking ti quit medicine and sit at home..but I worked so.hard to reach this stage..I need some advise..I am scared to see patients and scared that I will make some blunders again and will get fired..I am confused whether to stay as a hospitalist or shall I look for pcp job..but I dont like primary care..I am scared ti do anything..

Shall I look for a new full time hospitalist job at a rural place where I have friends already working and wirk there fir one year to get some experience and cinfidence as I will have some support from my friend..

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1 year 1 week ago #96748 by sahmd
I bet you will feel better and more confident once you are back at work and getting positive feedback from patients. Just remember, everybody makes mistakes. It is part of being human. The best thing you can do is to learn from them. And if you don't remember something from residency, then look it up and learn it again. Ideally we never stop learning.

I hope things go well with the job you are about to start. Maybe you could see how things go there before deciding about moving to a different area. Good luck!
The following user(s) said Thank You: Sona

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11 months 2 weeks ago #96768 by firsttimemom
Thank you sahmd

I screwed it up..I went to my new job and the first day I couldnt handle the stress and EMR was very bad so I was very overwhelmed and broke down crying..I dont think I can work here..its nothing wrong with the hospital..I think there is something wrong with me..may be im too.scared to practice or I dont have proper medical knowledge..I just want to quit medicine..my friend is saying I should go In to outpt med insstead of hospitalist..I like inpt med but I dont like the long hours and I need good subspeciality back up..now I am lost what to do next..

I am worried that if I go b in to outpt med I may never be able to return to being a hospitalist..im lost,depressed,screwed up my career..I just want to escape from everything and not show my face to anyine..I am very worried :(

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11 months 2 weeks ago #96769 by sahmd
(((hugs))) I'm sorry your first day was difficult and brought up so many bad feelings. Is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings in detail? I am happy to listen/read, and I might be able to give you some advice about various things, but when it comes to depression and feeling so down about everything, it might help to talk to someone more qualified than myself.

As for practical matters, can some of your new colleagues help you with the EMR and with finding subspecialists you can trust? I'm sure it is hard when you have a limited number of people to choose from, especially at night.

I wish I could help more. I hope you feel more comfortable at the new job soon so that you don't feel like you need to make another disruptive change right away. (((hugs)))

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