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physician mom dilemma

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12 years 5 months ago #21195 by sisriver
Sareena, I think you are doing the right thing! I've also missed out on most of my kids early years but in my case it's due to my controlling husband who thought he was the mom (we now separated). I'm sure it's hard for others to 'listen' to us discuss this somewhat strange turn of events.
I think it may be stressful but it will be a trade-off that will be worth it. You could try to visit him or at least spy on him during your lunchhour. I have a confidence problem too, and decision-making is also hard for me, and oftentimes that means others can step in and make up my mind for me while I am still thinking it over. Good for you for finding your own way! Believe me there are still many tender years left for your son where he will need you as his confident mother, and those are years he will remember.
There is a book, Codependent No More by Melodie Beatty, that I've found helpful with some of these family issues we;re discussing.

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12 years 5 months ago #21196 by sareena
Hi
I just wanted to thank you guys for your input. It's Monday and time to return to work but, I don't know how I feel about any of this. At this point I want to settle down with my child. I don't know why I need approval for wanting to take the easy road out with my old job. Sareena

sareena

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12 years 5 months ago #21197 by sisriver
I think you are asking the right questions. And trying out this path and seeing what happens is a good idea to help you sort thru things yourself. Have you asked yourself this question: is it OK to work a job that gets no respect?
Remember that we are working in a field that was originally paved by men, so the value assigned was established by them. Maybe us women will develop a different value system for assigning respect to certain jobs within this field. Do you have non-physician friends??

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12 years 5 months ago #21198 by sareena
Hi,

I am satisfied with work but, have realized the hours on paper are very different in reality. I came home at 10 pm last night (aftr leaving at 7 in the morning)

I am satisfied with work as I mentioned earlier but, am not finding a good balance of spending time with my son.

He turned 3 on Monday and I feel I was sort of disconnected from his birthday though we cut a cake and had gifts (just family) and plan to celebrate on labor day weekend.

Overall work is fine but I am not truly satisfied with life I think........I am conflicted/confused still.

Sareena

sareena

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12 years 5 months ago #21199 by sisriver
I think I want to say that if you go back to no-respect job, it is OK. You are stronger for having given this other path a try. You can tell physician friends you gave it a go. You can reexamine your own priorities at this time in your life. I have found my non-physician friends can have very different ways of measuring work/job and its value. A job can be seen as a job rather than a career, a way to make money to support your family/yourself. Perhaps for you (or me) that is what sequencing means. We had a 'career' while single, then switch to 'job' while raising children, but consider go back to career once children grown.
If this path now works out, that is OK too.

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12 years 5 months ago #21200 by lemarkus
Sareena - I have just finished reading this whole forum for the first time, coming to it with my own doubts about my own career. I am a part time medical oncologist, fortunately very happily married with a great husband, but all too often worried about the demands my job place on me and how the stresses of it carry over to my children. Yeah, clinicians get a lot of respect, but we pay for it with a lot of headaches. Job stability is less and less reliable, reimbursements are dwindling, Medicare and the FDA are increasingly encroaching on our practice decisions. It is hard to give advice to someone over the internet, but I can almost hear you longing for your safe, flexible, reliable job that gives you more time with your son. At this point, I'd almost kill for a job like that. The pay is nearly what you'd make as a full time oncologist, you have no call, no malpractice, no fear of lawsuits. I would have tremendous respect for a person who chose that path over the the more traditional one. It can be hard to dismiss other people's expectations, but ultimately, you have to decide which job will allow you to raise your child the way you want to and who cares what others think. If it is palliative care, because that is your passion and you will be a better person for fulfilling your dream, so be it. But if it is your desk job because you have great pay, stable work hours, less stress, then do it. I am seriously considering leaving medicine and pursuing teacher training because I can no longer stand to come home anxious, stessed out and grumpy from the hassles of work, and let those emotions spill over on my kids. I have wrestled with the decision for some time and know that I am most worried of what my parents, particularly my dad a retired surgeon, will think of me " throwing away" all those years of school and hard work. But I have realized it is not fair to my children to have a mother who is always stressed, worried or angry.
I wish you luck as you sort out your options, and remember that no job is more important (or demanding) than parenting.

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