Ahh is that not the story of many many women. Although some men do help out and are stay at home dad's *most* of the day to day stuff, primary child caregiver, cooking, grocery shopping, falls on women period. I have not met yet one couple where the man does actually half of the work, if that man even exists..If groceries are running low *we* usually have to go buy them, if the kids are sick it is usually us staying home with them, I could go on and on. I am by no means guy bashing but just stating a fact. I do have a wonderful hubby but I have to let him know what he needs to do, it usually never comes out of him that "gee the laundry basket is full maybe I could throw a load in". Anyways it does sound like your hands are more than full, is there anyway that you can afford a housekeeper and a nanny? or a combo of both? what about hubby? do not pick after him eventually he will have nothing to wear and he will have to do his laundry. I quit picking after my husband not long ago, if he leaves his clothes spread out all over the floor oh well, there they stay. I am not going to be raising my kids and a mature man. Make him help out by sitting down with him without yelling (I know that is super hard) and stating that you are almost at your ropes' end. If like you say you are the primary bread winner he will have to do something to help out, or you will have to cut back on hours and the whole family will suffer financially. How long have you been married? how long has he been trying to set up his own business? you know sometimes that is a copeout mechanism to do nothing (not saying this is your husband's case). Keep us posted and good luck!
Is there anyway you (beachdoc or anyone else) could take a break on your own, away from the current situation. Sometimes just getting away helps you clear the mind and makes decisions easier. It's impossible to make an important life decision when your mind is 'cluttered' with stress, daily activities, work, kids, etc.
A retreat for women physicians, weekend away alone, afternoon (really should be longer) away at the spa, etc. In this instance if you can afford it forget about money worries as this is cheaper than a breakdown, divorce, etc etc in the long run! Hope this isn't offensive... it sounds rather Oprah but you need to recapture 'yourself' a little!
Who is also is dire need of a retreat break! The world of TWO KIDS can drive me insane!!
President, MomMD<br />Connecting Women in Medicine - Welcome all physicians, resident physicians, medical students and premedical students!
The one thing that is really clear in all of you is that you LOVE your job, and for a 3rd year pre-med, that is REALLY good to hear!
I am in the enviable position of 1. Having a husband who truly does share the load (dishes, laundry, cooking, etc.) and 2. By the time I am an intern/resident my kids will be teenagers...so as you say NYdoc, it's a long tunnel, but somehow I think it will be bearable.
I thought for a long time that I was crazy doing this backward (family first, then med school), but I am beginning to think this might not be a bad way to go about it.
Anyway, good luck to you all~
P.S. Sethina, we just got home from a week camping in California between quarters at school...lots of downtime, me-time, and family-time. It was heavenly (And I have a lovely tan).
Beachdoc... it can be very lonely and frustrating when you are trying to do a good job at work, do what's right for your child and preserve your husband's ego. It used to infuriate me when people would imply that I wouldn't come back after my second child. If we wanted to eat, I had to work. It is definitely hard on the spouse also since it is hard to let go that they "should" be the breadwinner and they see other men telling their wives to stay home with the baby. Best advice I ever got was to remember that your children always need you and in many ways they need you more when they are older. Great to be there for the friday field trip or their trip to the zoo or ballet. And later when they are preteens they really need you. I felt like I had blown it because I couldn't cut back my schedule until my kids were 3 and 6 and both in school. I don't regret it now. My husband is very close to them and we are close as a family. You can always live on less money too or slow down paying back loans for a little while. You catch up quickly later when the kids are a little older...good luck..
I read your message re being busy when your children were young, and how it has worked out for the best.
I had always planned to go to med school, but now that I am a mother of 2, I had felt that I would be a "bad" mother to pursue a career in medicine. After stumbling upon this great web site, I am now thinking that it may be possible. I wonder, since you have been through school and work, if you could offer your opinion as to when would be the best time for med school, etc. My children are now 1 and 3. I don't know whether it is better to try to go while they are still young, or when they are in elementary school, or even high school. I don't want to miss out on their lives and I want to be there when they need me the most. What do you think?
I agree with all that posted above that juggling work and children and marriage is truly a difficult, yet rewarding task. Hang in there - I really admire all of you for what you are doing!
Hi!! In reading your msg, I can see myself in what you describe, endless days, infants crying at night, piles of bills lost in piles of housework and misplaced toys. You wake up at night worried about the mortage and the new bug of the week at daycare, The challenge of patients and finding time for the boards.... I have 3 kids and with each one of them I have felt the same way you do. Guess what? You will be fine, life is a series of changes, and with each stage in your life you will feel sometimes trapped and up against a wall. and with each new stage there will be new challenges as well as exitement. The only constant in life is change someone once said, so be flexible, enjoy your babies and the stage you are in now, I know it sounds insane... but it will be ok, my oldest Baby is 20 and in college in NY now, my youngest is in 5th grade... I'm a single mom, in solo practice, and yes my dear I get to see the beach and the ocean every weekend.....