× Women Physicians

women docs and nonphysician spouses

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14 years 7 months ago #23818 by StellaOS
I am also engaged to someone who is not in medicine at all. It doesn't bother me, nor any of my family really - except for my father. He is VERY traditional, and doesn't like that "imbalance" of incomes. I have always had problems with him, and I had a very rough time growing up because of the conflict he and I had with his controlling ways. But I finally got away from that, but I am back in that again with all of this. I am a resident in ortho surgery, and my fiancé is in real estate and he is starting his own IT company. I love the difference we have there, it is very refreshing and a great escape to come home to. Personally, all of the BS that I have heard I let it roll off of my back. I was never one to fit that "traditional" role, and I never wanted to LOL! I would just concentrate on your relationship like everyone has been saying so far; you need to make the decision about what is best for YOU. Otherwise you will look back later in your life and regret it :-( You could also try talking to your family about things, and getting across you feel about everything. Perhaps when they see how serious the both of you are and how you are not bothered by that, they might begin to feel differently. Good luck with that, I know what you are dealing with too :(

~XOStella

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14 years 7 months ago #23819 by seasidemd

Originally posted by lilmd01:
Hi,
I just discovered this website and it is wonderful. I'm hoping to get some honest perspective/advice out there.
Just finished my IM residency last yr, and got engaged to a nonphysician. Only problem is my family refuses to accept him simply b/c he is NOT a physician (he's an engineer). In their very traditionalist/conservative mindset, as a female MD, I should only marry a physician so that 1) I am not the main breadwinner/financial supporter and 2) so that I could work parttime in the future once I have a family and maintain a comfortable/financial lifestyle.
I'm curious how women physicians married to nonphysician spouses feel about this, from their own experience. How do you feel your marriages/family life have worked out? Pros/cons?

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14 years 7 months ago #23820 by seasidemd
Hello,
I am an ER physician with a commercial fishing husband. He is home with our three children the majority of the time. I try to work part time but as you all know that can be difficult. As mentioned it is everyone else that seems to have the most trouble with a non-tradition famlies like ours. It is probably the non intentional mean joke at a party that upsets my husband the most. He has found several similar male friends that have a similar household setups to be his buddies. If we (female physicians) weren't ready to take on tough challenges we probably would have never started medical school. right. Relationships I think are just part of the added challenge. Most days it seems worth the fight. Thanks for listening.

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